becoming 30: these days we talk about homes, babies, and the aches in our bodies
- Sam C. Weishi
- Jan 1
- 5 min read
Every turn of a decade feels worthy of some sort of a celebration, so in true SG60 spirit I wanted to do something different this year for my 30th birthday — I brought together my family and closest friends, to enjoy a slow dinner somewhere we wouldn't usually go to. We ended up in the middle of nowhere at East Coast Park, and I realised in hindsight that maybe it wasn't the best idea to make my predominantly Westie group of friends travel across the country for dinner. They all made it eventually though, and if love had a colour, our table was overflowing in rainbow.
I never used to enjoy celebrating my birthdays, and a part of me still shrinks a little bit inside when a well-intended loved one whips out a surprise cake somewhere somehow. This yearly milestone used to be a reminder of how little I had achieved in comparison to my dong-gaps and in the past few years as a single woman in my late-20s still living paycheck to paycheck, it was easy to slip into this state of lack. I look around me (and on Instagram) and I see newlyweds or new parents or new homeowners, and I'm genuinely thrilled for these friends but at the back of my mind I'd wonder what was I not doing right?
In a lot of the conversations I've been having with friends around me this past year, they have morphed into something different and again, I find myself feeling so many unfamiliar feelings. I remember that Friends episode (The One Where They All Turn Thirty), and in one scene Rachel sits at the table with the bunch of them and has a meltdown because she sees that everyone around her has achieved something and she feels like she hasn't. Then she concludes that she should already be dating the man she wants to have children with so she can have her first child at 35. I'd watched this episode when I was in my early 20s, and then seen it come up once in a while on my Instagram feed over the years. I remember thinking that turning 30 felt so far away and that I wouldn't be a Rachel; I'd be in a better place for sure — I would be in a long-term romantic relationship, I'd have my core group of friends around me, I'd have already established some sort of a career and I'd be making enough money to buy myself an island. (Until I realised how expensive and unnecessary that would be. Haha.) And because turning 30 felt so far away, I'd decided then it was enough to live until the ripe old age of 50 — a fulfilling short life felt more alluring to me than watching bits of myself being lost to old age. Alas so much has changed!
These days, my friends speak of wedding plans and renovations and making babies and becoming parents, and a part of me panics like Rachel. Albeit less frequently and in shorter spurs since I've become better at reminding myself we all live by the rhythms of our own drums. Easier said than done, but a chance discovery this past year has changed my perspective; an homage to the year 2025 cannot go by without mentioning this illuminating book The Courage to be Disliked by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi. I was compelled to buy the book when I was in transit and saw it on a shelf at an airport bookstore; at that time, I was struggling to accept that a person I'd grown to care for and be infatuated with was going to walk away from the potential of this connection. (Even putting this into words here is bringing up some feelings of embarrassment/discomfort but I am learning to also be kinder to myself. I'm only human.) The book ended up being an enlightening discussion on Adler's psychology/philosophy and how to live a happy life - it's actually not all that complicated! The book observes that all problems we face in life stem from interpersonal relationships, and suggests ways in which we can choose to deal with them and to manage/control our own thoughts/behaviour. It's really helped me to discern in everyday interactions what I should be concerned with ("my task"), how I should respond instead of react, and to let go of the things that are beyond my control. It is a continuous process that encourages a conscious and conscientious way of living. Some days I slip up, but most days it's been so useful understanding how to use my time/energy/love on people/tasks that really matter. The Courage to be Disliked is a book I highly recommend reading, and if it resonates, to put into practice.
So now, instead of wondering what if, I revel in life's simple pleasures and relish in what little time I have to be with the people I love, and wholeheartedly dedicate myself to my work and ambitions. In the months leading up to my 30th birthday, I've felt mostly excitement and anticipation for this glow/growth everyone says I will come to experience, in what would supposedly be the start of my"prime" years. Besides the aches I feel more often in my back/shoulders when I sit too long at my computer and the very real struggle of getting through the day after I choose to stay up late for whatever reason with less than 4 hours of sleep, I genuinely am looking forward to the perks of being in my 30s — knowing, appreciating, being taken a little bit more seriously, having money to spend on what I want; it does almost feel as though life is just beginning again. How exhilarating!
Looking back at 2025 (and 2024, since I haven't really allowed myself the space/time to pause, breathe and go again), I am infinitely grateful for all the lessons and opportunities. They've opened my eyes to different cultures, climates and creatives —
I wanted to avoid spotlighting only the good milestones of 2025, and I still remember vividly startling awake those mornings before these photos were taken; the past two years were both beautiful and painful, but instead of dwelling on the distressing moments, I'd much rather remember the realisations that came with them and work towards a better 2026. Why would I want to give too much space to negative energy when life is already so short? When I sat at dinner that Sunday evening surrounded by my immediate family and closest friends (some I've known since we were 9, others in the recent few years), I see in these faces etchings of our shared past, present and a very vibrant, fun future. They say it takes a village to raise a child; I have been fortunate to have been shown goodness and richness. Thank you ah ma, mummy, father, xuan, kranz, seems, jem, fongyin, joo, zimin, homes, jared, jo, xuan, jie, sean, kerx, nikki; you all made me. So many have poured generously into my well, and it is precisely this that gives me the courage to strive relentlessly, live fearlessly and contribute to my communities. For someone who dreaded birthdays, I've come a long way.
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It is 1st January 2026, Thursday. I've just finished sharing my first ever vision board for the new year with the wife; I'm keeping this to myself for now. To you who made it this far, thank you for journeying with me; I wish you a joyful, prosperous, exciting new year! (For my friends in Singapore, a reminder that tomorrow's toto pool is S$6.8 million haha!)
2026, let's tango!
xoxo, sam
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