School seems so long ago - it has only been 7 weeks. (I've finally finished consolidating my NUS module reviews; click here if you need some module recommendations). I've graduated from my student status and emerged from the system "victorious". The resulting certificate presently holds no weight to what I am doing professionally (hahaha nobody saw this coming), but the pleasures of learning and acquiring new experiences through said education system made me the person I am today. And for that I am truly thankful. Funny how this moment seemed so far away at that time when I was mugging for my 'O' levels, and when this day finally arrived I was struck with nothing but resounding fear. The expectations that came with being an adult overwhelmed me - financial stability, a full-time job, finding a boyfriend. Ok that last bit was something I low-key panicked about just because everyone around me was in a somewhat stable relationship/getting engaged/planning weddings/having babies, but I have moved past this. Que Sera Sera.
The past 7 weeks were thrilling and horrifying at the same time. I got to go to South Korea again (with a longer trip to Busan this time yas) and since I came back I've been working part-time at Kilo while co-producing an independent short film. I'm doing all the things I love, but it took a toll on my health. And it wasn't because I was neglecting my health - I made sure I had 8 hours of sleep and lotsa fluids; I should be in the pink of health. But it dawned on me one day, after speaking with Seemz (@smxne you probably didn't know then what your words meant to me but it helped me thank you :'] ), that in fretting over these self-imposed expectations/stress, I had lost sight of the one thing I had intended to do with everything I did in the first place - i.e. telling stories. In that same week I got to meet several other creatives and I was newly motivated. In making films not just for others, but of my own. After 7 weeks of seeking a way out from this abyss, that one week gave me the clarity I needed to redirect my focus - I didn't need to escape I just had to look within.
I'm preparing for the ensuing battle that is principal photography haha (we're shooting for a week abroad whoohoo), but I've never been more excited. A lot of work to be done still, but it's for a film with a story worth telling in my opinion. I'm so grateful. For an opportunity like this and for my parents, who unlike many other parents, have been supportive of my artistic endeavours since I'm technically a certified adult because I've graduated. Once in a while my mum wishes aloud I had a full-time, "stable" 9-5 job, but she hasn't stressed me out. yet. And for that I'm thankful. I'm still scared af la 'cause I don't know where to go after this, but I'm savouring every bit of the present at the moment. I've been getting a little bit too comfortable with my life, so I've been considering a change? Working at Kilo has been a great experience; it has led me to meet so many incredibly talented people but I feel it might have run it's course. I don't know. It's all very exciting to me not knowing.
Exactly two years ago today, we wrapped on 422: the Issei soldiers - i.e. the very first film I produced alongside an amazing team. I didn't know then I'd wind up continue making films. I'm still in disbelief I get to do what I love and this is a blessing I can never take for granted. So while I enjoy my post-school life/work my ass off for this film, I shall end the short post with a clip of me looking very cool handling a Sony FS100 in NYC HAHAHA:
Have a great week ahead yall!